In an effort to master my thought life, I am going to address the first (and most obvious) thing on my mind these days -- lust.
Now, it's not lust for a person or even necessarily food. It's lust for a house. I want a house so bad. I dream about what it will look like and where it will be. I think of ways to make more money so we can get a bigger down payment. Last night I sat on Realtor.com for about an hour looking at homes and land for sale. I ask my parents who would be a good family member to help us build (because we have multiple construction entrepreneurs as relatives). I've even been watching home makeover/sell this house/buy this house shows to get ideas and inspiration. Why is this wrong?
Because we cannot afford a house right now, which makes it clear God does not want us to have it at this time in our lives, thus making it lustful.
So God, I ask you to reveal the root of why I want a home and how I can stop fueling this rebellious fire.
I want a home because everyone else has one. I want something new. Something I can decorate. Something I can invite people over to and impress with. I want a neighborhood for my son. I want to settle FINALLY.
What is fueling this desire? Well, I think everything I mentioned in the first paragraph. Also, comparing our situation with others and purposely driving past big expensive homes and becoming envious. I think I want to impress people, too, because I feel insecure and need someone to say "wow" to something I have. I want them to want what I have just like I want what they have.
I think I can stop looking at Web sites, stop watching home shows, stop driving past those big homes. That would defuse the desire. However, these roots run deep because it just brought up another issue I often relay through thought -- insecurity. But that's for another day...
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