Operation: One Obstacle

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. - John 10:10

After my previous post about Operation: One, the dam broke. In fact, my mom text messaged me one word: KABOOM. Evidently when I asked Hope if she wanted help cleaning her house, she was obviously hurt, defensive and angry at me and told her husband (I'll call him Silas). Silas called me last night and told me that my parents and I are not to have any contact with him, Hope or their children. We are all "toxic" and disrespectful and he does not want his family to be subject to us. Now, Silas is dealing with demons of his own and has finally come to the realization that his drinking and drug use has attributed to most (if not all) of the damage done to Hope and the children -- which is why the domestic violence probably went on in the first place.

We are not to have any contact with Silas or his family for 2 months. In those 2 months, we are to seek individual counseling for the issues that are making us "toxic" and then we will regroup to see if we can work through everything. At that time, Silas will determine if we are no longer "toxic" for his family and if we can see the children. Silas and Hope are also seeking individual counseling for their own issues.

Satan really does seek to destroy. When I had it in my head (and heart) to dedicate the next year to this family, he made sure it wouldn't happen. He is so obvious, it makes me sick. What he fails to realize is that nothing -- not even he -- can separate me from God and interventional prayer.

For now, I will be seeking counseling for the minor issues I have related to my father. But, other than that, I consider myself a whole, healthy individual, who is far from toxic. But, that's for Silas to decide. And after the 2 months, if the decision is made for complete banishment, it will hurt yes, but "everything works for the good of those who love the Lord."

We must go through the fires to be refined. Thank you God for loving me so much you never give up on me!

Timing

On the inside of a DaySpring calendar my mom sent me are these words:

When the time was right,
the sea parted,
the walls fell down,
the lions went hungry,
the sun stood still,
the waves were calm,
the stone was rolled away,
the clouds were parted,
the Lord decended...
And when the time is right,
the King of Kings will return.

God is never early and He's never late --
He's always right on time and His plan for you is good (Jer. 29:11)

Power of One

“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do. And by the grace of God, I will.” - Hale

Christ is the ultimate example of the power of one person. He lived God's will to help the needy, poor and hurting. His example, as well as the story of the Good Samaritan, have really been convicting me of how I am not doing what I can to help those in need. Below I mentioned how I was at first searching for a "cause" to support. I found many organizations overseas. Then God brought my focus domestically to shelters in my own city. However, he really revealed to me yesterday an even closer "cause" in my own family. I am passionate about domestic violence and especially helping children out of it. Then it dawned on me, someone in my own family is struggling with such an issue and these poor children are caught, stuck in the middle. It's amazing how God moved my heart to be a light so "close to home."

Because of this, I was thinking last night of the issues that surround their situation. For so long, so many people they know just overlook them and their problems. People pretend there is nothing wrong. People gloss over the severity of it all. For so long, I did all those things too. However, I can't anymore. God is really tugging on my heart to help. First of all, their home is unfit for children in a sanitary sense. So I thought maybe I could somehow ask if she (let's call her Hope) wanted help taking care of things. Over and over in my mind I prayed, "should I do this? Is this going too far? Am I stepping on her toes? What if she hates me?" But over and over God told me, "pour on the love. You love these children. You pour on the love." So I asked Hope this morning if she would like help. She was hesitant and probably defensive. However she kind of accepted. I still have details to figure out and am praying for God to change her heart to allow this to actually take place. But I think I did the right thing -- the "good samaritan" thing.

I see such a hurting, damaged family who desperatly need to see Jesus. I want to be His hands and feet. So I have decided to commit the next year to them. Based on an idea of my former church, I will dedicate time, effort and support to love on this family. I will show them true Christian love. However, I need to remember to do it God's way, not mine. God is patient. I am not. I don't know how this is going to work or if this will make any sort of difference. Maybe even in my optimistic mood right now, I have hopes of keeping the love all year. But in those "darker" times, I would turn away or give up. I can't. There is too much at stake. I have true faith God can change ANY situation so I hope He will totally use me to help them.

I'm calling this Operation: One and will give you regular updates.

You Want Me to Forgive Him for THAT?

With the recent allegations swarming Brett Favre about infidelity and sexting a former NY Jets employee, I was very curious to see what his wife, Deanna Favre, was feeling and thinking. She just finished writing a new book with a pastor called "Cure for the Chronic Life," which is a how-to spiritual journey through hopelessness. To promote her book, she was on one of those morning shows, where the anchor asked about how she felt toward her husband's allegations. She simply said her faith has always been the crutch she leaned on through hard times and she has faith. Wow.

In MOMs group, we talked about forgiving our husbands. The Bible is big on forgiveness. See a slew of verses here. The one that seems most powerful to me is Matthew 6:14-15. We are to forgive. Period. It doesn't matter what it is, how much it hurt or how it has changed our life -- as Christians we MUST forgive. Now, my husband's wrong-doings are nil in comparison to what Deanna is going through. My husband forgets to take out the trash when he already announced he would. Or he forgets to bring home a much-needed item from work. Or maybe he just makes an ill-comment or acts non-challant. Instead of reacting, God is putting in my heart a desire to forgive. I remember my husband's personality -- the buttons which set him off, the irritations, the gripes, the attitudes. And only when I can walk in his shoes, do I realize he is just a fallen, sinful person like me. Then I can get rid of the expectations of perfection and truly love him.

When we focus so hard on what our husband ISN'T, we fail to see what he IS.

Now, I know in Deanna's case, sometimes forgiveness is a process and she can't just attribute her husband's behavior as the "way he is." But I believe if we are called to do God's will and forgive, God will always soften people's hearts to do so.

Getting into the Kingdom

At church last Sunday, the pastor talked about faith and how we are all going to stand before God and give an account of our lives. For a long time, I thought, "Why would we have to give an account if we are already saved? Shouldn't we just be able to enter?" But, Pastor really opened my eyes to who really will get into Heaven. God will ask what we did with His Son, Jesus. BUT He will also determine the geniunity of our answer by what fruits we've developed because of our relationship with Christ. If we truly accepted Christ as our Savior, then our lives should show it by our actions, which are a result of our fruits, which are a result of our hearts, which are a result of our relationship with Christ. If we truly trust our lives to Christ, we will have faith God will make us like Him.

It really opened my eyes and made me think, "Am I allowing God to change my heart? Do I have fruits of the Spirit?" It makes me kind of afraid because what if I don't? But then again, my job is to "seek ye first the kingdom of God." If I do that, "then it shall be added unto you." Trust God and He does the rest. What a reassuring promise.

Abandonment

After only one chapter, I've decided to abandon the study I've started -- A Woman After God's Own Heart. It's not that I think it's dumb. Actually I liked it the first time I read the book. It's that I am involved already in a study at church and I need to cut things out of my life -- extra things that I've created for myself. The self-study is one of them. So, instead I will focus my posts on Mom To Mom: Heart Talk. I think really examining the lessons on the blog will be good for me.

So, with that, let me say that I was behind in the lessons because I started the study late. Yesterday and the day before I watched 3 lessons, mostly about motherhood vs. personhood. Out of those 3 lessons, I was really touched by the concept of self-worth. The lesson talks about how God's view of us should overshadow our doubts and feelings toward ourselves. We were made in His image, we were made because He loved us. He loved us so much that he redeemed us at the cost of His son's life. And He continues to love us by growing us to be the people He wants us to be.

The concept of self-worth really bothers me, basically because I feel I have low self-esteem. Looking back, I had great self-esteem in my childhood. I loved myself. And then the dreaded teen years set in and after great crisis in our family, I somehow let my self-esteem slip away. It was also when I had my second boyfriend that I started putting all my self-worth in what my significant other thought about me. Now, I think I gauge my self-worth based on what my husband thinks about me. Why is that? Maybe because I am afraid he will leave me if I have fat or fail to wear make up or don't dress trendy. Rereading that makes it seem silly. Then I think about my mother. She told me she is afraid Dad will leave her because her dad left her mom. I wonder if that fear has subconsciously rubbed off on me, although I don't ever remember her fear being known when I was a child.

How can I take back that "power" to my own self-worth? The study says by meditating on God's love for us and KNOWING we are truly His child. Then by praying for God to renew our minds and focusing on the Truth of His love. Finally, learning to be patient with the process back to self-worth and self-love.

"God's Truth is the mirror that matters."


I also learned that when you lose yourself in others (serving them, being selfless in your own needs), do you find your self-worth. As I wrote in my previous entry about volunteering, I think this would be just the thing I need. Maybe God could use my service to help me realize what I am in Him.